Sunday, November 9, 2008

Chuck Norris Flight Facts

Yes, I'm a big Chuck Norris fan.

Chuck Norris sends O'Hare Ground to the penalty box.

Chuck Norris does not do obstacle clearance planning, there is nothing that Chuck Norris considers an obstacle.

Chuck Norris does not fear the TSA.....the TSA fears Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' jet doesn't run on fuel, it runs on fear.

Chuck Norris has never had an emergency because his plane's systems are too afraid to talk back to him.

Chuck Norris gets direct Kennedy during the international push, always.

When Chuck Norris sneezes, it causes wind shear warnings.

Chuck Norris was once denied a jumpseat on Pam Am, he subsequently put them out of business.

Chuck Norris doesn't keep a logbook, he keeps a steel-book.

Chuck Norris once shot down 3 enemy aircraft with his Aux fuel tank.

When the BASH condition is Red, planes don't fly. When the BASH condition is Norris, birds don't fly.

Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student is still recovering from his injuries.

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

An ejection seat is not safe until Chuck Norris gets out of it.

Chuck Norris was told to IDENT, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris has never had a successful recovery onboard a carrier; it is impossible to trap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris "shot down" 6 MiGs in Vietnam just by yelling "BANG!" over the radio.

Wake turbulence is in fact not a byproduct of lift, rather a byproduct of the air trying to avoid Chuck Norris.

Only Chuck Norris can smoke in the plane's lavatory.

Once, an airline lost Chuck Norris' bag...once.

Chuck Norris never states his intentions, he states his demands.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

When Chuck Norris taxis onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold short.

Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no longer has any use for it.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminds the controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and will proceed with the straight in.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.

Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able". Chuck Norris is able to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flightpath.

A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck one is safe.

Chuck Norris pushes his own aircraft from the gate.

PROPS: Airline Pilot Forum

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